Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal development. Show all posts

Monday, July 19, 2010

Growth and Change through College Years (Rita Landino)


Intellectual and social stimulation from the college setting can mix with the normal developmental patterns of becoming an adult in American society to produce profound changes in young people. Most parents expect their young adult children to change when they go to college, yet some parents are not prepared for the magnitude of those changes. To tell the truth, young adults themselves are not always ready for the changes that college can produce in them either.

These changes can be better understood when seen through a framework or theory of psychosocial development. One such theory was developed by Arthur Chickering in 1969 and described in his bookEducation and Identity. Although Chickering’s theory was based upon the experiences of college students in the 1960s, this theory has stood the test of time. As a matter of fact, it was adapted and expanded to include women and African-Americans by Marilu McEwen and colleagues in 1996.
The Seven Tasks of College Student Development

The first task or vector of college student development is developing competence. Although intellectual competence is of primary importance in college, this vector includes physical and interpersonal competence as well. The student who attends college seeking only credentials for entry into the work world is sometimes surprised to find that his or her intellectual interests and valued friendships change as a result of his or her personal development through the college years.

The second vector, managing emotions, is one of the most difficult to master. Moving from adolescence to adulthood means learning how to manage emotions like anger and sexual desire. The young person who attempts to control these emotions by “stuffing” them finds they can emerge with more force at a later time.

Becoming autonomous is the third vector. Being able to take care of oneself, both emotionally and practically, is critically important to growing up and becoming independent from one’s family of origin.

Chickering’s fourth vector, establishing identity, is central to his framework. The age-old question — who am I? — is asked and answered many times during a lifetime. Yet, that question has exquisite urgency and poignancy during the college years. This vector is especially problematic for women and ethnic minorities who may feel invisible in our society or have multiple roles to play in different situations, according to McEwen and colleagues.

The fifth vector is freeing interpersonal relationships. This process involves three steps. First, one moves from valuing relationships based on need (dependence) to valuing individual differences in people. Next, the person learns how to negotiate those differences in relationships.Finally, the young person begins to understand the need for interdependence and seeks mutual benefit from relationships.

Both students and parents alike believe that one of the most critical change areas for a college student is found in the sixth vector — clarifying purposes. The young person identifies her or his career and life goals and, hopefully, makes appropriate choices to achieve those goals.

The last vector is developing integrity or wholeness. This level of maturity does not come easily. Once achieved, however, the young adult is able to live with those uncertainties that exist in the adult world. In addition, he or she adapts society’s rules so they become personally meaningful.

Most often, the young adult develops along each of these seven vectors simultaneously. For some individuals, certain tasks within the developmental framework assume higher priority and must be addressed in advance of other tasks. For example, a woman may need to free herself from dependent relationships before she can clarify her purpose, set personal and career goals, and establish her own identity.

More recently, McEwen and colleagues have suggested two additional vectors not part of Chickering’s original theory. These vectors are interacting with the dominant culture; and developing spirituality.

Both of these tasks have become more significant in a young person’s development as our market-based culture threatens to turn us into mere consumers (“we are what we buy”). At the same time — and possibly in response to being defined by what we consume — we need to experience ourselves as spiritual beings, in touch with our spiritual centers and possessing inner peace.

Personal growth and interpersonal skills development are as much a part of the college experience as intellectual advancement and the mastery of work-related skills. By applying this framework to the student’s chosen pathway through the college years, both the student and his or her parents may be able to make more sense of this turbulent time in life and recognize it to be part of a process that will result in a consolidated sense of self with which to face the post-college period.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Negotiation: Principles & Tactics

View more presentations from Alwyn Lau.
A PDP presentation to students in the Hotel school.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Group Roles

Which one(s) do you normally play? At work, in your community, family, etc.?

Working in Groups

View more presentations from Alwyn Lau.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

13 Ways to Network (w/out being a Nuisance!)

Scott Ginsberg shares:

1. Stop asking people, “Do you remember me?” This question immediately makes them feel defensive, embarrassed and on the spot. Plus, you’re setting yourself up to be insulted when they tell you they DON’T remember you. Don’t challenge people’s memories. Odds, are – they don’t remember you. Just tell them who you are. Are your questions making people feel defensive?

2. Speak with passion and people will listen. Find a way to get on the topic of passion. Yours AND the other person’s. Excavate it, then embed people’s passion into the pavement and you will lead the way to meaningful, engaging conversation. Ask Passion Finding Questions (PFQ’s) like, “What keeps you busy when you’re not working?” or “How do you incorporate your passion into your work?” Do you really care what people “do,” or who they ARE?

3. Capitalize on every encounter. That doesn’t mean money. It means identifying what your “currency” is at this particular networking event. Maybe it’s leads. Maybe it’s visibility. Maybe it’s sharing referrals. Maybe it’s capturing emails to build your permission asset. Maybe it’s having fun. Maybe it’s practicing your new elevator speech. Whatever your currency is, there’s always a way to leverage every conversation. What’s your #1 goal at this networking event?

4. Identify why you’re there. Is this an opportunity for you to meet people, or is it an opportunity for them to meet YOU? This simple attitudinal change will alter your business forever. Are you framing your networking brain positively?

5. Be The Observed, not The Observer. Put yourself in a position of value. Lead the conversation. Invite new people to join your table or conversation. Better yet, be the guest speaker or sponsor of the event. You might also consider being a volunteer, people-mover or association leader. All positions of value. All Observable. How could you position yourself in way that people have NO CHOICE but to meet you?

6. Remove the threat of rejection. If you’re afraid of starting conversations with strangers for fear of looking stupid or being rejected, approach people who HAVE to be nice to you. Leaders, volunteers, hosts, bartenders … these encounters are perfect opportunities to achieve small victories that will build your networking confidence. Whom could you speak to without the threat of rejection?

7. Gently introduce, don’t unnecessarily sneak. Get to know people on a personal level FIRST. Lead with your person; follow with your profession. Values before vocation. Individuality before industry. Personality before position. Realness before roles. Then, when the time is right, find a way to gently introduce how you deliver value. Don’t force it. People can tell. What are you leading with?

8. Stop asking people, “So, what do YOU do?” Again, nobody cares. Not to mention, not everyone has a job. Nor are all people defined by their work. Instead, ask questions that enable the person to take the conversation in whatever direction makes them feel comfortable, i.e., “What keeps you busy all week?” “What’s your role here?” “What’s been the best part about your week so far?” What are you assuming about people that might cause Foot In Mouth Disease?

9. Beware of compartmentalization. As much as I love nametags, beware of unconsciously using someone’s nametag to size that person up. Whether they’re a board member, first-timer, president or guest speaker, treat everyone the same. If possible, use hand-written nametags with first names only. That levels the networking playing field. Wait: You ARE wearing a nametag, right?

10. Typing is dangerous. Throw out everything you learned about personality types, learning styles, Meyers Briggs or any of those other ridiculous assessments. They’re worthless. Stop typing people. Typing blocks listening. Instead, harmonize with people. Stop calling them “INTJ’S” or “Extroverts.” They’re just people. That’s it. “Human Being” is the only label that means anything. What mental labels are preventing you from networking effectively?

11. “Identifying” with people is overrated. It’s one thing to discover the common point of interest. It’s another thing to pretend you’re just like the person you just met. SO: Tell the truth. Tell it all. And tell it now. Tell them you’re NOT one of them. Tell them you don’t know the first THING about BEING one of them. Tell them that you know NOTHING about who they are and what they do – but would like to learn. Does your candor and authenticity shine?

12. Friendliness is underrated. I know it sounds dumb, but just be friendly. That doesn’t mean, “be everybody’s friend,” it just means BE FRIENDLY. Friendliness is so rare; it’s become remarkable. Use it. Do it. BE it. In the end, it’s just easier. It actually takes more mental energy to avoid people than to just say hi. How many people did you go out of your way to ignore yesterday?

13. Be The Only. Attend events where you’re the only one of your kind. If you’re a man, go to women’s events. If you’re a salesperson, go to management events. If you’re a doctor, go to accounting events. Not only will people notice you; they’ll also seek you out. After all, you’re an Outsider. Everyone will be interested in hearing your fresh perspective. Sure beats having the same old conversations with the same old people. What out-of-place networking event could you attend to guarantee your memorability?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Pam Slim's Open Letter to all Corporate Employees


Don't pretend your job is secure. I know of no job in any industry today that is safe from market forces or lame managers. You read stories in the paper every day about well-established companies (some that are making huge profits) that are cutting back tens of thousands of employees to "stay competitive." But you still act angry and surprised when you get pulled into your manager's office with the HR rep and are told that your job is eliminated. We are all self-employed, and if you don't get that fast, you are in for a rude awakening.

Make a long-term life plan. You get so caught up with surviving each day that you have no idea what would make you happy down the road. But it is this long-term plan that is going to give focus and structure to decisions you make every day on your job, and guide decisions about the next step in your career. Get clear on what kind of work energizes you, the kind of people that you want to be around, where you want to live, how much money you want to make and how much time you want to spend at your job.

Pay attention to who you go to lunch with. It is theraputic to bitch and complain about your job once you are out of earshot of your manager or coworkers. But are you spending all your time with people who just complain and never do anything to change their life? You are what you eat, say and who you hang out with. If you want your life to grow in a positive direction, surround yourself with people who are eager to learn, problem-solve and support each other. I don't mean you can never complain - just don't get stuck whining all the time.

Always have a Plan B, C and D. Even if you have a great job right now, you should always know what your next step is if everything blows up tomorrow. Network with people inside and outside your company to know what kinds of jobs or businesses you are interested in. It is perfectly ethical to scan job boards even if you are happily employed (just don't do it all day on work time - a little tacky). I know how busy you are. That is not a viable excuse when it comes to something as important as securing your livelihood.

Don't think of your job as a paycheck, think of it as a learning opportunity. Learning should be the primary thing on your mind at all times. You can be in a hellacious job situation and still learn from it. I was once on a great team inside a company that had questionable management. When our recommendations were shot down for reasons we knew were wrong, we would discuss the implications and try to guess the outcome. Most times we were exactly right, and would learn a lot from the experience. If you have taken the time to create a long term life plan, you should be clear what things you need to learn to get there.

Take responsibility for yourself. Blaming "The Man," "The Company" or your manager for your unhappiness is a cop out. You choose to be in your current situation, otherwise you would have changed it. So don't give away your power. If you are miserable, follow the advice above and move yourself to a better place.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

7 Ways to Turn Bad Habits into Good Ones

Not exactly super-complex ideas from Zen Habits, but one of the ideas may help?
1. For each habit, identify your triggers. What situations trigger your smoking habit (waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc.)? Identify all of them, for each habit.

2. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.

3. For at least one month, focus entirely on being as consistent with your triggers as possible. That means, every single time those triggers come up, do the positive habit you identified instead of the negative one. The more consistent you are, the better the habit will form. If you sometimes do the new habit when the trigger occurs, and sometimes don’t, the new habit won’t form very well. Try to do it every single time. If for some reason you fail, extend the one-month period and try to be very consistent from that point onward.

4. Avoid some situations where you normally drink and smoke, at least for awhile, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food or doing drugs, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.

5. Realize that your urges will be strong, but they will go away after a few minutes. They come in waves, but just ride out the wave. Find strategies for getting through the urges — deep breathing, self massage, eating frozen grapes, walking around, exercising, calling a friend who will support you.

6. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Find an AA group in your area. Join online forums where people are trying to quit. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without posting to your online quit forum. Don’t have a drop of alcohol before calling your AA buddy.

7. Staying positive is key! You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Anger Management


"The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions."


1. Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."

2. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.

3 Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Peer Support & Evaluation

Continuing our series of TLC workshops:

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own. (tags: peer support)

Conflict & Conflict Resolution

The following few days will showcase some of the presentations TLC has been giving. The first one is something on Conflict & Conflict Resolution presented by Mr. Nelson Allan.

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own. (tags: conflict resolution)

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Directed Thinking for Planning, Analysis & Reflection

This was a session conducted for the Diploma in Engineering students.

Guys and Rebecca, I hope it helped somewhat. Keep planning and thinking, always.

View SlideShare presentation or Upload your own. (tags: thinking directed)

Thursday, August 14, 2008

10 Practical Uses of Psychology

1. How to detect lies. Lies are extremely difficult to detect. Research shows the average person barely does any better than chance. Part of the reason may be there's so much misinformation about how to detect lies floating around. Check out exactly how to detect lies.

2. How to make your smile more attractive, more trustworthy and less dominant. This psychology study found that a long-onset smile (0.5s onset) is seen as more authentic and flirtatious than a short-onset smile (0.1s). On top of this, the researchers found long-onset smiles were perceived as more attractive, more trustworthy and less dominant. Head tilting also increased attractiveness and trustworthiness but only if the head was tilted in the right direction.

3. How to persuade others your opinion represents the whole group. If you want to convince others that your opinion is representative of the majority, then just repeat yourself. This surprising psychology study finds that if one person in a group repeats the same opinion three times, it has 90% of the effect of three different people in that group expressing the same opinion.

4. How to have a refreshing holiday. This environmental psychology study suggests that being stuck indoors on vacation can limit mental recuperation. On the other hand, when able to roam outdoors, we can exert ourselves at a favourite sport or simply linger in the park.

5. How to avoid getting scammed. If I had to explain only one thing to someone who knew nothing about psychology, it would be 'crowd psychology'. Being aware and watching out for this one fact can improve our lives no end.

6. Using email to persuade. Before sending an email remember that women may not generally be easily persuaded over email because there is less opportunity to form relationships from which attitude changes can be built. Men, however, tend to be less competitive over email and are better able to concentrate on arguments presented, rather than being distracted by seeing the other man as a threat. Discover factors important in using email to persuade.

7. Find out if you're satisfied with your relationship. Once a relationship has become long-term, although we still talk about love and commitment, in some ways it's satisfaction that comes to the forefront. Indeed, low satisfaction is an important predictor of relationship breakdown. Read about the behaviours important in relationship satisfaction.

8. Reduce your cholesterol levels. The results from two separate studies demonstrated that after only 25 days, the experimental group who had written affectionate notes, showed a significant reduction in cholesterol. These reductions were seen independently from the effects of general health factors like age, drinking, smoking and so on. According to this early data, affectionate writing can reduce cholesterol levels.

9. How to make friends with self-disclosure. Turning an acquaintance into a good friend can be hard. Whether it's romantic or platonic, there are endless reasons why people fail to connect and maintain their relationships with each other. Find out how to make that connection with self-disclosure.

10. Impress people with your knowledge of the Top Ten Psychology studies. OK, technically there's no research into whether knowledge of these studies will really impress other people. But, each of these top ten psychology studies has something to teach us about what is means to be human. And that can't hurt!